This year has tick-tocked it’s way by. I glance up and realize it’s less than a month until Eva’s birth day. One year. Early on, I thought I’d be much further along by this point. I’m anxious and nervous that I’m expected to be healed. “You’ve had enough time.” Putting everything on hold is not sustainable. But in my heart I’ve only just begun. I miss Eva and any future children too. I’m still thawing from the frozen state I’ve been in. Still figuring out how to love her from afar, and keep her memory alive. As we approach the moment we met our tiny wonder one year ago, the memories of her 22 days of life wash over me.
One year is just the beginning, they say. I’m grateful for that message. This is when we learn it lingers on, and on, and on, there’s no end in sight where Love is involved. I live with joy and I live with pain.
Please tell me how you honor your child in spirit on their birthday. I’ve got some ideas, but would love to hear your’s. ✨