REALITY | Day 30

Reality Bites. My baby died. I can escape it temporarily at gatherings with friends, over drinks and laughter, but at the end of the night the tears have to fall because with joy is the reminder of sadness. There will always be someone missing, that is my reality. I know it’s not healthy to escape reality all the time, but I’ll admit, marijuana is a friend of mine. Although once that cloudy fog lifts, reality is always right there to give me a hit.

Nope, there is no escaping the reality where my baby died. “It is what it is,” as Joe and I have repeated to each other many times. No clouding it over, whitewashing it, prettying it up with positive language. Just lots of tears, deep emotions, mixed feelings, overwhelm, exhaustion, anxiety, pain and bitter heartache. We have to face the reality that Eva is gone from this earth. It’s the only way to heal the wounds her absence leaves behind.