TIME | Day 11 | May we all heal

It has often felt as if there is never enough time in the days, but now Joe and I feel it even more. We talk about it at night, over a cold beer as we debrief in exhaustion at the end of the day from being out in the world. Because now what we spend a lot of our time doing seems so insignificant. Shouldn’t we really just fulfill our longtime dream: pull Max from school, run to a mountain cabin and live out our days soaking each other up? Instead we spend isolated moments connecting with our son. Consciously not putting him in more than one activity at a time, but still feeling as though it’s too much because we can’t even manage a healthy dinner at the end of the day anymore. I recently interviewed a 90-year-old educator who said, “Everyone is swigging coffee, pushing their kids out the door, racing to work, coming home, throwing a microwave meal in, and we wonder why we are physically and emotionally sick.”

Think about the time we spend in trivial conversation with people. The times I want to say—“excuse me”—because it’s so mind numbing I really don’t have the time to continue. I’ve heard @yogagirl speak of this on her podcast. There is so little time in this lifetime that I can’t waste it on meaningless conversation, so let's dive below the surface together instead.

The shortness of this existence on earth becomes crystal clear when you lose a child. I appreciate this new understanding because I waste less time feeling bad. After my miscarriage a few years ago I can see where I let my sadness take over. After Eva, I feel my emotions and use that time for self care instead of wallowing in it as much.

But how do we pause this modern day madness? Get me off this hamster wheel! It’s something we will be thinking about as a family.

In the meantime, I’ve got a little lady in Heaven I’m living for, and we’ve got lots to do together in this lifetime.